On Looking Back & Vulnerability
Imposter Syndrome is fun!
Happy 2026!
Yesterday, I decided to compile some photos for one of those “2025 Author Wrapped” Instagram posts and was… nicely surprised by what I found??
Or wait, maybe I should start here:
(with extreme vulnerability? (Barf. shudder. help??))
my last two (more?) months have been fraught with me thinking (over and over and over again) that I am a failure. It might sound silly, but it doesn’t really matter if it does, because it’s true.
I have been plagued by the thought that my writing career is on the decline, that I’m never going to be anything but a mid-list author who 99% of people have never heard of, that my blip of success (the agathas) was largely because I co wrote it with someone far more successful than I am and that my solo books are too … i dont know. poorly written? niche? stupid? only published because editors read them while drunk? (kidding…. i think??)
Anyway, I’m not saying that I dont still feel like that (lolololol publishing!) but this did make me realize that perhaps things are not quite as dire as i’d convinced myself. I published a book! I sold a book (well that technically happened in 2024 but it was announced in 2025, so counting it)! The book that published was also published in seven (7) territories, which is pretty decent IMO!
I mean look at that deal announcement! It looks pretty nice if i do say so myself (which I do because I might as well say something nice to myself once every four or so months, right?!).
Anyway this is not to sound like I’m not grateful (it’s funny how being “vulnerable” can so often sound like / be confused with “complaining”). It’s just to say that this is how things have been in the depths of my (very annoying) brain.
Also, I think a part of this is probably that my adult debut is coming out this May, and somehow I hadn’t realize HOW much harder the adult market is than the YA… like I have the same publication date as Annabel Monaghan! There are adult books that are just like obviously on Most Anticipated 2026 lists …. and mine is just like a little baby that i’m (desperately) hawking on TikTok in a way that the algorithm does not seem to appreciate at all (is it possible i wrote a whole book and dont know the hook of it?? yes, it seems to be possible).
If you feel like preordering said baby - it’s up for pre sale everywhere books are sold, and right now! Barnes and Noble is doing a 25% off sale for Premium & Rewards members, so if you happen to be that, check it out?!?!? Maybe? I won’t go into the spiel about why pre orders are important, but suffice to say they are and I appreciate each and every one of them!
But also! I ran for the board of a local community center and WON!, did a bunch of very fun book events with author friends, gave the keynote speech at the DC Scholastic awards ceremony!, did some school visits, and did lots of fun personal stuff too. I saw Wes Moore speak!
Of course, 2025 was The Absolute Worst for many other reasons, but maybe I as a human had a better year than I’ve been trying to convince myself of??
OK! That’s enough Vulnerability for one year.
Happy 2026!
May it be less ridiculously awful for the world than 2025!
(Remember to vote, kids!)
